Young but Certain: Justin & Renee
Quarantine has been an opportunity for us to reflect and in my reflection, I have thought a lot of love -- the ways in which it overflows in our lives through friends and family. From the very moment I met Gwen (later turned line sister and dearest confidant) I admired her glow. She had a spirit that was so inviting and I could tell that she was a woman I would want in my life. Quickly, I learned that she has been with her man for a MINUTE--- and within the very first few conversations, she shared that she KNEW he was the one. Justin is a g o o d man and the type of man that I knew my sister could love forever. He was gentle, compassionate and very bluntly in love with Renee (we call her Gwen/Renee). It was my absolute pleasure to stand behind Renee when she tied the knot in September 2018. Their love has always been pure and radiant so I stepped into their office and asked them… HOW... has it been 8 years and this beautiful love is still shining ever so brightly. I hope you enjoy their beautiful story as much as I did.
How long have y’all known each other/dated?
We met in 2010 -- our freshman and sophomore year of high school and started dating May 26th, 2012.
Who shot their shot first? When was it?
Gwen: I don't think shots were fired, but we met at a debate team meeting when his mom was late picking him up. I went to the meeting with my friend who played baseball with Justin when they were younger so he introduced us.
Justin: I 100% asked her for her number and asked if I could call and she said yes, sure. I then texted her and she wouldn't text much. Then when the day came for the call, I called and she didn't answer and so...I persisted. I tried again and SHE DIDN'T ANSWER --- but I was persistent and would say hello in the hallway and made sure to exchange a few glances when I would be at basketball and she was at dance practice.
What kicked it off?
Justin: We were at one of Renee’s friends' parties. I went up to Renee and told her we needed to get a dance by the end of the night and she said “we’ll see”. Later in the night, I went back and asked about the dance and she said she didn't feel like dancing. A few minutes later, a great song came on and I was wandering through the party and saw MY future WIFE dancing with someone else.
She found me at the end of the night and told me she wanted to talk and opened up about a few rumors she heard about me (that were NOT true). After that, I asked her for a kiss and boom-- it happened.
Gwen, what would you say is your favorite thing about Justin?
Gwen: One of my favorite things is that Justin always finds the good in people and situations and he teaches me to be compassionate and kind to people in situations. He would tell me about a situation and I would be a million times more upset than he would be and has taught me to extend grace --- he is the manifestation of patience and kindness.
Justin, at what point did you know Gwen was the one?
Justin: This is hard to say that there was exactly one point. There was a lot that led to us trusting each other and me realizing that I would never find anyone more compatible for me.
But I do remember one incident -- I was at a basketball tournament and we had been dating for a little over a year-- I was talking to Renee and my teammates busted in. One of my teammates took the phone and asked her “do you love Justin” and with confidence she said, yea, I love him. I was like wow, this is somebody that has shown that they love me and I believe her and I feel like we would love each other forever.
Can y’all describe one of your favorite memories together?
Justin: It was my first Christmas with Renee’s family, at this point we had been dating less than a year. I was still in my “trying to win the approval of Renee’s parents at all cost” mode. All of Renee’s extended family were at the house, and out of the blue I heard Renee say “Justin has something special for you”. She then came in the other room to tell me she had told her family that I rap and that I would perform a spoken word freestyle about the meaning of Christmas. At this point I was very confused and nervous. She looked at me and said “Justin I trust you, you got this”. I then proceeded to give a very passionate off the dome spoken word poem for her ENTIRE family. Afterwards she gave me a kiss and said “oh yeah, you won them over”.
Gwen, what is one word to describe how Justin makes you feel?
Gwen: Whole.
Justin what is one word to describe how Gwen makes you feel?
Justin: Safe.
Gwen, what has Justin taught you about love?
Gwen: It's interesting. There have been several conversations that have made me realize that what we were having was a learning moment. Growing up, I always felt like I had to perform and felt an intense pressure to always look, act, and speak a certain way. When I’m with Justin, I feel as comfortable as I am when I’m alone. I feel like I am able to show up as my full self without compromising any part of who I am. He’s taught me that I don't have to perform to be loved.
Justin, what has Gwen taught you about love?
Justin: There are different perspectives, and not just a marital perspective. One thing I love about Renee is that when she chooses to love someone, she decides to make them feel fully loved and needed. She’s this way with her brothers. She made it her personal responsibility to make sure that they felt respected, loved and heard. She has been there in every sense of the way for other people -- that has fed into us being a couple and our marriage. It is easy to show up in some ways, but Renee has taught me how to show up in every aspect.
Justin, what has Gwen taught you about love?
Justin: There are different perspectives, and not just a marital perspective. One thing I love about Renee is that when she chooses to love someone, she decides to make them feel fully loved and needed. She’s this way with her brothers. She made it her personal responsibility to make sure that they felt respected, loved and heard. She has been there in every sense of the way for other people -- that has fed into us being a couple and our marriage. It is easy to show up in some ways, but Renee has taught me how to show up in every aspect.
What advice do y'all have for young lovers?
Gwen: Don't take everyone’s advice. Some people take advice solely based on what they have seen - and not what they’ve experienced. You know what’s best for you and what you need out of a relationship, so trust yourself and your discernment about what you need. Your relationship is between you and your partner. When you bring other people’s voices/thoughts/opinions into the relationship, it can poison what is going on between the two of you.
Justin: As I was reading a book, it said that a lot of relationships fail because people romanticize relationships -- and even when people understand relationships are hard work they don't understand the level of sacrifice that comes with that -- Being in a relationship for the long haul is not only thinking of self. There will be a lot of deep and hard discussions that will have to be had and if you’re serious you're willing to have those conversations with an open heart and compassionate spirit.